Venerable Fulton J Sheen -The Blessed Virgin Mary- The Woman I Love

In Honor of the Feast Day, I give you Ven. Fulton J Sheen on the Blessed Virgin Mary!

A Step Back, a LS 502 post

What a week! In more ways than one.


I think at this point of my research instead of charging ahead full force (which I've been doing all semester), I am going to take a step back and review everything I have done thus far. I want to make sure that my original intention is still the same since I'm going at it at a broader perspective.

I am going to spend about a day or two looking over what I have before looking at conference proposals. Also, remind myself to take deep calming breaths and not get freaked out by the research.

Election Reflection

Wow.

Just wow, America.

I'm not talking about the results of this year's presidential election. I'm talking about people's reactions. And I am disappointed in many of my countrymen. Going through social media I have never seen so much hate-filled reactions as I have this morning. So many cruses, and demands to be disassociated with people who voted differently than them, and thinly veiled derogatory remarks made me very angry. Where is the 'tolerance' and 'love' that so many people claim to have (especially when things go their own way)? And don't start with the argument that 'it's all going to go away'; that's a cheap cop out.


This year's choices left much to be desired. There was no good option, just the lest bad option, and no one was going to be happy with the result. What we do now will define us. So stop complaining! We take the result that's been given us work with it and make the best of the situation. We have the right to vote, and we should not be belittled for exercising that right.



So America - respect each other!

Musings on Research, a LS 502 post

I think that for my research there are two areas to consider: technology changes and natural disasters. These two things have a huge impact on archives.

This was an interesting read: (Theimer, Kate. "What Is the Meaning of Archives 2.0?" The American Archivist 74, no. 1 (2011): 58-68. http://www.jstor.org.libdata.lib.ua.edu/stable/23079001.) that I'm filing away. I don't know if I will use it, but it's here.

In talking with my supervisor at work I learned that an archive practices boxing up their collection into trucks and moving them away when major storms hit. I wonder if there is a virtual version of that?

Hurricane Katrina and Oral History, a LS 502 post

Hurricane Katrina was one of the most devastating natural disasters in recent memory. I found this article:

Sloan, Stephen. "Oral History and Hurricane Katrina: Reflections on Shouts and Silences." The Oral History Review 35, no. 2 (2008): 176-86.

Which talked about the impact of Hurricane Katrina told through oral history and how it was collected. It struck me at how a moment of someone's life in extreme pain was captured  to be reviewed at a later date years down the line. It's today's version of personal diaries from the past.

It's something to think about as I research.

Now You See - Wait, a LS 502 post

"And then, last week, it all vanished without warning."

The quote sounds like it's taken from the beginning of a scary story that causes the hair to rise up on the backs of necks, but it is actually taken from this article that my supervisor emailed me today. While it is not about oral histories per se but it does illustrate rather closely what I am looking into. The article is about the Milwaukee"s Online Newspaper Archives and how they were here yesterday and gone today without any warning whatsoever. So whatever research was depended on that online collection is now in a pickle. The article goes on about the logistics of online indexing and paid versus free online services.

Could this transition of this archive been handled better, especially in regard to the users who ? Maybe. It does illustrate the fragile nature of digital services if we are not careful.

Breath In, Breath Out

There is a that tired feeling one gets when one has had enough. Some people call it burn out, others call it world weariness. Of the two, I think I am somewhere in between. It is a surreal sense of being alone in an overcrowded room with all the shouts and noise muffled in your own mind.

I do not really need a life line, just some prayers, positive thoughts, and so forth. Intercessory prayers with these guys would be very much appreciated.

Other Fields, a LS 502 Post

As per suggestion of my professor, I am looking at other fields (a.k.a. not Library Science) to see they handle keeping up with technological changes. I will most likely take a glance at other research heavy fields, maybe medical science (since that's an area that really cannot avoid tech. changes), or history (since they benefit from tech. advances). I don't know, really - I'm getting really deep into the unknown here and I think I need something more than little yellow floaties to stay above water.

Other reflection - there is something about the storyteller that cannot be replaced by anything else. In their stories they give us a peek from within their world and we gain a better understanding of their point of view. Story Corps is a wonderful modern day example of storytellers. Check them out!

"It's an Unix system!"

I can now save Jurassic Park before the dinosaurs eat me!!!

To explain, I've just completed the section of my IT class that deals with Unix command lines. All I could think about when I was Unix on the syllabus was Lex, the hacker girl, from Jurassic Park.

Having that movie reference to encourage me onward I buckled down and went through the modules and looked up more coding for Unix. So at this point of the semester I have a better grasp of HTML tagging and Unix line commands, or at least have a good grasp of the basic concept. I almost feel like in those heist movies where the hacker is looking for a backdoor in the computer program to unlock the doors. I would not call myself a hacker in the original sense of the term (a computer programmer enthusiast), but I am now someone who has gain a better appreciation for computer programming.

Do I feel like my IT fluency has improved? Well I can comfortably say that I could hold a conversation about the basics with a computer geek and not be completely lost or have that glazed look in my eyes. Am I just a little overwhelmed? Just a tad. Fortunately I feel like I have a good support from my cohort.

Now, if you will excuse me, I am going to make sure that all the doors have door knobs so the raptors cannot open them.

Do We Think Anymore?

Several weeks I took part of a conversation with several co-workers that I do not normally work with; well it was mostly me just standing there and the other three talked. The topic of this conversation was the holds list - to explain if there is a book, let's say a particular book about fishing, if the local library does not have it the librarian (or the patron through their account) can place a request for that fishing book and whichever library has it will send it off. It's a neat system and I have used it on multiple occasions. On the library end of this system the holds list is the list of requested items are we have to go through the stacks to find and send off to the requesting library.When it's printed off it is in order by the call number.

Seems simple enough, right? Well, the difficulty (and a minor one at that) is that each library has set up their collection in their own way. One library might have collected the Christian Inspirational, African American, Large Print, or Short Stories each into one area that is not denoted by the call number. This results, especially when still learning a particular library's setup, in the librarian zigzagging across the library if they are going in strict order of the call number.

The zigzagging was main component of the conversation (it was more like a mini-rant). I listen as one person wondered if there was a way to program the holds list so that the zigzagging could be eliminated. The other two agreed and I was a bit dumbfounded.

I think what bothered me so much about that conversation was how depended some of my co-workers were upon the computer system to arrange everything for them. One of the first things I do when I arrive for work is pull the holds from the shelve. But before I disappear into the stacks I go over the list and make note of which items can be found where, then I go to each section of the collection to find the items. I may change up the order from day to day, like finding the audio-books first before going to non-fiction or looking through the Mysteries before the Large Print.

As I was growing up I was always taught that computer programs and the like were a great supplement, but not a replacement to my thinking. It was a time saver, not my brain. This is how I view the holds list; to quote Pirates of the Caribbean, the list "is more what you'd call 'guidelines'" than a strict order of things. It makes pulling the holds easier, but it is not going to completely dictate how I go about pulling the holds. If somehow the computer program for the library  is set up so that it takes into consideration the format of each collection, fine by me, but I am not going to hold my breath for it.

Overworked, Overwhelmed, and School has Only Just Started

Once upon a time I received an message in my work email inviting me to apply for a leadership program with in the library system where I am currently employed. With everything I already have on my plate I did not really want to add another item to my agenda. But I printed off the email with the intention of contemplating it over once I was home.

To make a long story short, at my parents' encouragement I did apply and surprisingly accepted into the program. Part of the application was to included a project that would contribute somehow to the workings of the library system weather behind the scenes or directly with patrons. After racking my brain and bouncing ideas off of a few co-workers I came up with the idea of a basic library instruction for the general public.  Basically it would be something that would explain how to use the library and what to find there. So on top of my regular duties I now have that project to do.

A little stress, yes.

I'm continuing volunteering for the Middle School Youth Group at my Church.  There were too many mothers asking if I would be back this year for me to even say no. However the main reason is that I do enjoy giving talks and the Youth Director, Lauren, is an absolute sweetie. But compiling and writing a fifteen to twenty minute talk does take a bit of time to do. When I started helping with the youth program I did not think that I would enjoy it. But I gave it a chance and surprisingly I did enjoy it, and the kids on a few of the talks were very interested in what I was saying. With such a positive reaction I realized that I was able to do some good with the Youth Group. My hope is that the kids will remember a handful of things I talk about in the years down the line.  If they do then I can mark off my endeavor as a success.

More stress, yep.

The next chapter of my schooling is just about to start for my Master's degree. I am equal parts excited and nervous. The first semester went well with good grades but I went through it with an extreme amount of stressing out and good amount of sleeplessness. I don't want a repeat of that I really don't.  That being said, I did enjoy what I learned and I even signed up for another class with one of the professors I already had. He made everything he taught about sound so epic with plenty of geeky type references.

A lot of stress - you betcha!!

There is another semester of core classes that I have to take before I can go into my electives.  I have a vague idea of what direction I want to go with my degree. But with the way somethings are playing out in my life I think I am being pushed into a direction that I am not certain I want to be pushed towards.  But I am not going to focus on that at the moment. My current mantra has turned into 'Just get through school.' So I'm just going to focus on my schoolwork and slowly figure out what I'm going to do after I graduate.

Onward and upward.

School, So Far

Allow me a moment to collapse unto the floor and rest.



Ok, update!

I am about halfway through my first semester of graduate school and I cannot believe it! I knew it was going to be a ridiculous amount of reading, but the challenge comes with doing both school and working full time.  There are days in which I just want to fall into bed and sleep after a hard day at the library, but then I remember the several articles and book chapters I have to read. I am getting reacquainted with the long nights of my college days.

Am I learning? Absolutely.

Tired? Mostly.

Overwhelmed? It varies.

Am I glad I started this program? Very much so.

I continue on with the rest of my semester, and getting ready for registration for my second semester.

Look out World!!

Reflection on Volunteering

As some might surmise by some of my recent post, I help out with my church's Middle School Youth Group.  The Youth Minister discovered my Bachelor's in Scared Theology and did the whole puppy eye thing and asked if I would volunteer for Youth Group.  Needless to say the puppy eye thing worked.

Thus began my weekly obligation on Sunday evening in which I took nuggets of Theological information wrapped up in fun and talked with the kids.  I have made attempts in the past to volunteer at church, mostly with the RCIA (Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults).  I will say with no ill will that it did not work well.  Most people going through the program were older than me, enough that they were in a different generation than me. 

After every talk I gave there was a complaint; I was unsettling, unfeeling, or unkind.  The last person demanded my removal from the program because I offended her.  Now, I can understand the annoyance of someone younger than you telling you what to do; really, I do.  But I do have a degree in Theology!!!! I know what I'm talking about.  The overall experience was not completely bad - it just left an unpleasant taste in my mouth.

So with that experience under my belt I was not sure how good I would be with the Middle School. To my amazement they liked me - they really really like me.  The moms are happy, the kids are having fun and they pay attention.  One Sunday when I told the moms I was going to teach the kids about the Four Lasts Things, they were wary - I don't blame them.  It's a heavy theological topic, but it's something that I was never really taught in Middle or High School.  But the following Sunday a few moms approached me and said that their kids were rapid firing questions at them about the talk and how they were really into it.

This is an instant where I have no shame in saying 'SQUEEEEEEEE!', none at all.

Last Sunday there was no Middle School Youth Group so I helped out with the High School Youth Group in their small group discussions.  I tagged along with another volunteer with her group.  We had fun talking going over what was earlier discussed.  My crowning moment of the evening was when one girl said 'ReTweet that!' to something I said. That's right, I got a non-virtual retweet.

So all in all, am I glad I started volunteering with the Youth Group - Yes.  Now if you will excuse me, I have to get ready for my next talk.

St John Bosco, Patron of Youth Ministries, Ora pro nobis 

What's Happened to Love?

I fully admit that I read young adult novels.  It's a habit I develop in school when I wanted something light and easy after reading dense philosophy and theology texts. A nice reprieve.  One main reason I veered towards the young adult novels is that I know that there will not be a sex scene, maybe intense awkward kissing but no sex.

So with the desire to vegging out I began reading The Selection by Kiera Cass.  Best way I can describe the book without getting into too much detail is that it's a water down version of the Hunger Games meets the teen version of The Bachelor/ette.  Overall the story was meh.  It had the overused trope of love triangle with a all talk don't see a lot of action war going on in the background.  Again me reading this series was solely for the purpose of vegging out.  It worked all the way up to the last few chapters of the third and, thankfully, last book when the main girl and the prince start stripping off each other's clothes.

Let me repeat that - stripping off each other's clothes!!!!

My brain crashed in on itself when I first read the passage.  Fortunately they stop when they reach the last layer of underclothing because they didn't want to get caught.  This point in the story they just declared their love for each other and are unmarried.

I quickly finished the book just to know what happened. It was predictable with unnecessary angst and way too many side characters killed off for dramatic effect.  I guess the author was going for a 'earn your happy ending' trope.

It is an unfortunate trend I see with anything about love directed at the tween to young adult audience.  Love has become less about wanting the best for the other (ultimately getting that person to Heaven) and more about physical gratification.  There are common placed, and getting overused descriptions of 'eyes clouded with want', 'a need that they could not explain', 'quickening pace of the heart' all used to describe what true love is like.  Having never been in love, I do not know what it is like, but I do know what is expected of people when they are in love (many thanks to parental units and married sibling).

Love in it's truest form is selfless, wanting what is best for the other.  You can get mad at your spouse, fight, give the silent treatment, disagree, or keep secrets, because lets face the facts we're human we made more mistakes then we would care admit to anyone.  In the marriage vows it states that you will be by your spouse's side for better or worse, not just when you are happy.  There is no such thing as 'Happily ever after' because being in love takes effort, work, and determination. We live within the passing of time, never just in a moment.  We remember and relish the happy moments, we try to ignore the bad, but we cannot stay.

As I rant about love another book comes to mind: Arms of Love by Carmen Marcoux.  In this novel a young couple work on having a chaste courtship/relationship and everyone, outside of the girl's family and friends, sees their actions as something defective.  I read this one several years ago when I was still in college. While I applaud the efforts of Mrs. Marcoux to present love authentically, I really cannot recommend the book. I really did want to enjoy the book, and on Amazon there are many positive reviews, but in the end it felt fake.  It was more of a sermon with a thin plot rather than a story with a moving message.  I doubt many secular or non-Catholics would even consider reading it. For me the Catholicism in the book felt ... too touchy-feely for me. But I'm a smells and bells kinda girl.

I have witness relationships that seemed to have stepped out of pages of 'Arms of Love' and they have the strange aftertaste of spurious and induce fear for any children they may have. DO NOT misunderstand me, chastity (both mind and spirit) rocks in my humble opinion.  But something does not ring right when a couple waits til they exchange their vows for their first kiss.  An act such as that has a gnostic feel to it, like the couple is saying they are better than the rest because they rise above the physical acts of affection (kissing, hugging, holding hands).

Take the book as you will. I'm not going to force you to read it.

With the recent release of '50 Shades of Gray', a pornographic fanfic turned book turned box office record breaking movie I feel that we as a society has lost touch on what love actually is.  Love is expressed in so many muddy confusing ways that in the ends leaves many wanting more, thus looking for that something more in all the wrong places and end up hurt.

St. Raphael the Archangel, Patron of Love and Lovers, Ora Pro Nobis.

Where Did the Advent Wreath Come From and What Does it Mean?

As it is often the case with many traditions that we hold dear to our hearts the Advent wreath has pagan origins and as with many Christmas traditions practiced here in America, this came from Germany.

Evidence shows that the pre-Christian Germanic peoples used wreath with lit candles in the cold dark Winter as a sign of hope for the future warm and extended sun lighted days of Spring.  Similarly, in Scandinavia lighted candles were placed around a wheel and prayers were offered to the god of light to, in a sense, turn the ‘wheel of the earth’ back towards the light of the sun.

As often seen in the Church, especially in the first few centuries, we would take the pagan practices and Christianized it.  This practice of ‘Christionzation’ took what was intrinsically good in the pagan tradition and essentially baptized them into the Church.

By the Medieval period, say about the 16th century or 1500s, the wreath with lighted candles was adapted for Advent as part of a spiritual preparation for Christmas.  Both German Catholics and Lutherans practiced this tradition.  What we would recognize as the Advent wreath took shape in the 19th century or 1800s.  The original wreath started out with a candle for each day of the season, Sundays being big white candles and the rest were smaller red candles.  Over time it simplified to just each Sunday having a candle and sometimes Christmas Day having its own.  This practice was brought over to the United States in the 1930s by German immigrants.

Advent is a time of reflections and preparation and the wreath works as both a reminder and a meditation of what is to come.  It’s easy to perceived the reminder aspect of it, lighting each candle as Christmas gets closer, so let’s focus on the meditative aspect.

It must be understood that the Advent wreath is full of symbols.  This is not a bad thing; symbols are used to help us focus giving us a tangible aspect for the abstract. The act of lighting the candles, with an additional one each week in tandem if the liturgical colors on the candles, represents our expectation and hope of Christ’s first coming, His birth.  That hope and expectation also includes Christ’s second coming at the end of the world.  Remember, everything about Christmas points towards Easter.

This has evergreen, holly leaves, pine cones, and fruit.

To the physical wreath itself:  Traditionally the wreath is made of different types of evergreens wrapped into a circle; the circle has not beginning or end and the evergreen is green throughout the year representing the eternal life of Christ, and his eternal never ending rule.  The wreath can also include holly, pine and yew all of which is symbolic of immortality.  The holly also is symbolic of the crown of thrones worn by Christ at His Passion; there’s also a neat English legend that states the wood of the cross was holly.  Pine cones, seedpods, and nuts can be added for a representation of Christ’s Resurrection. Cedar for strength and healing. Fruits for the nourishing fruitfulness of the Christian Life.  All of this as a whole is Christ, the eternal Word of the Father, who became man was victorious over sin and death by His Passion, Death and Resurrection.

Let us not forget the candles.  As I’ve mentioned before the candles bear the color of the liturgical season; three purple and one rose (not pink).  These are the same colors for the Lent season (again, pointing towards Easter); purple is a reminder of prayer, penance and preparatory sacrifices and good works undertaken during this season (sounds like Lent, doesn't it?). Rose if for Gaudete Sunday, gaudete is Latin for rejoice, this Sunday is the midpoint of Advent and we are close to Christmas.

There’s also some traditions where each candle has a meaning. In one tradition:
Candle #1: Hope, Prophet’s candle representing Jesus’ coming
Candle #2: Faith, Bethlehem candle representing Mary and Joseph’s journey to Bethlehem
Candle #3: Joy, Shepherd’s candle representing the joy at the coming of the birth of Christ
Candle #4: Peace, Angel’s candle representing the message of the Angels ‘Peace on Earth, Good Will towards Men.’

Another tradition:
Candle #1: Patriarchs
Candle #2: Prophets
Candle #3: John the Baptist
Candle#4: Mother Mary

Happy Advent!!

(This is a rough transcript of a lecture I gave to the RCIA class at my church.)

My Response to 'Save Flint Dollar'

It has been several months since this has occurred, after such time I believe that I can discuss this with rational thought and loving attitude.

The school in question

At the Catholic High School, Mount de Sales Academy(MDS), many people in association with the school
(whether student, alum, or teacher) reacted strongly to the dismissal of one Flint Dollar, a band teacher.  This was due to the fact that he publicly announced via social media that he was going to 'marry' his boyfriend.

Because so many have asked my thoughts over the situation (most know of my B.A. in Sacred Theology). As stated above I've waited to respond because everyone has been high on being emotional and thus irrational.  I will endeavor to explain as best I can.  Bear in mind "what I have now said in regard to abstaining from wanton looks should be carefully observed, with due love for the persons and hatred of the sin, in observing, forbidding, reporting, reproving, and punishing of all other faults." (St Augustine, Letter 211)

An article, the link of which is found below, said that Mount de Sales' employment policy states that the school does not discriminate based on sexual orientation. Mr. Dollar stated in the article that MDS was aware of his orientation when they hired him, so in this way, MDS upheld this anti-discrimination policy that deals with employment.  The school would have violated their policy if they did nor hire him solely based on his orientation.

At this point I would like to point out a distinction between sexual orientation and sexual actions with regard to employment and termination of employment. As stated previously, MDS adhered to the anti-discriminatory policy in that the school hired him with full knowledge of his orientation. If one studies the clause closely, no where does it say that MDS does not reserve the right to fire an employee based on actions of a sexual nature that the school does not approve of (i.e., Mr. Dollar announcing publicly that he was 'marrying' his partner). If MDS fired Mr. Dollar for the reported reason, then MDS is acting in accordance with Catholic teaching.  MDS hired Mr. Dollar as a homosexual individual, but chose to terminate his employment based on Mr. Dollar's decision to publicly announce his upcoming marriage to his partner.

Allow me a moment to veer off into a theological tract. In Declaration on Certain Questions Concerning Sexual Ethics, it states that "[N]o pastoral method can be employed which would give moral justification to these acts on the grounds that they would be consonant with the condition of such people. For according to the objective moral order, homosexual relations are acts which lack an essential and indispensable finality. In Sacred Scripture they are condemned as a serious depravity and even presented as the sad consequence of rejecting God. (Rom 1:24-27) This judgment of Scripture does not of course permit us to conclude that all those who suffer from this anomaly are personally responsible for it, but it does attest to the fact that homosexual acts are intrinsically disordered and can in no case be approved of."

Essentially, it is important to realize that homosexuals do not have complete, voluntary control over their desires. Of course, they have control over their actions, as do heterosexuals. After a person has been conditioned to homosexual responses, it is impossible to simply wish away the desires, just as it is impossible for an alcoholic to wish away his desire to be drunk. Homosexuals also do not make a conscious choice to have homosexual tendencies. It should be noted that heterosexuals do not have complete control over their desires either.  We ALL suffer from temptation, it is when we act on those temptations that we come way to sin.

It is likely that the same decision, in regards to the school's decision, would have been made if a heterosexual teacher publicly announced he or she was living with his girlfriend or her boyfriend because of the nature of the relationship.  As Catholics, we must stand up for our religious beliefs while being compassionate towards those of orientations different from ourselves. That does not mean that we abandon our faith because it makes other people uncomfortable, nor does it mean that we hate and damn people because we disagree with them.

For further reading on the Mother Church's teachings I highly recommend Letter to the Bishops of the Catholic Church on the Pastoral Care of Homosexual Persons.

May God grant us pardon and peace, and most of all, reconciliation with one another.

I will end with this thought:  Love, in it's purest form, is an act of the will in which we will the good of the other for the sake of the other.  Sin cannot be ignored because what good does that do for people? "When the good are overly merciful to the bad, the  good eventually become the bad."

This post is in relation to this news article.

Post Script: Now will you people stop asking me!!!!

Blue and Black: My Reflection on His Holiness Benedict XVI

I have seen the Holy Father Emeritus four times during his reign; as in seen his physical person not just through a television screen.  Each of those moments are very special to me and part of an important event in my life.  Each of those moments, and a few others, I wore blue and black.  I never had the intention to wear that color scheme and now I can't help but associate those colors with him.

I am part of that generation that grew up with Pope Blessed John Paul II, the charismatic pope with a great love for the youth.  To me, and I'm sure many others, he felt like the grandfather we couldn't wait to visit or listen to one of his stories.  I'm not ashamed to say that I cried when he passed away and I know I wasn't the only one who did.  I got up early to watch his funeral and I will admit that I dosed off a few times despite my best efforts (this was before I fell into the common addiction of coffee).  Then I watched with great wonder my first conclave whenever I wasn't in school or at work.

On the day of white smoke and bells was also the day of National Honor Society Inductions.  I was already a member so I got to sit on stage and be dressed in my Sunday best, a blue skirt and a black blouse, which I much preferred to the khaki pants and ill fitted polo of the school uniform.  After some begging, pleading and convincing the teacher of that period turned on the television and I watched as Cardinal Ratzinger, now Benedict XVI, stepped out onto the balcony. A humble worker in God's vineyard.

Later that year (after a year of saving and asking relations to lieu of Christmas gifts to send monies for the trip) I got to go to World Youth Day.  That year it was being hosted in Cologne, Germany which brought an extra meaning to me since I hadn't been to that country since I was born.  I always wanted to go to World Youth Day since I was really young and the fact that it was in Germany was an extra layer of awesome on my epic cake.  This was the first time I saw Benedict XVI without the aid of a TV screen.  I watched the tiny Pontiff in the distance give the final blessing of the last Mass of WYD, I bowed my head and noticed that my black chapel veil was about to slide from my neck.  I wrapped it more securely around my neck and zipped my blue windbreaker closed.

In my college career I transferred once and my first year at my second college was particularly difficult due to miscommunications, misunderstandings, and bias.  During this dark time for me fifty tickets were donated to the school for the Papal Mass that was held at the National Stadium for Benedict XVI's visit to the US.  A drawing was held amongst the students and I put my name in.  On a day filled with tears and hurt, I was told I won one of the fifty tickets.  The smile felt odd after not having one for so long, but it felt good to do it again.

I dressed in the wee hours of the morning the day of the Mass.  Oddly enough, as I looked in the mirror double checking everything, I was wearing the skirt I wore when Habemus Papam was announced; a different blouse but still black.  A bus ride, a trek through the Metro than a shuffle in the crowd I sat in the newly built baseball stadium to have Mass.

One of the better snap shots I got of Pope Benedict XVI.

The same college offered the opportunity to study in Rome for a semester and I took it.   Whilst there my classmates and I were able to attend a Wednesday Audience.  It was outside in St Peter's Square (or circle if you want to get technical about it). I waved enthusiastically as Benedict XVI rode by in the pope-mobile. He knew my school and we got a smile of recognition from  him and almost a two handed waved, but he had to re-grab the bar to keep his balance. My smile grew bigger and my teeth showed.  I sat and listen to talk about St John Leonardi.  He ended his talk with words of encouragement and a blessing.  As he gave his blessing I fiddle with a rosary bracelet around my left wrist.  It had blue and black beads with a medal of the Immaculate Conception.

The owner of the hotel where we were staying was able to get his hands on ticket to the Mass for the Conclusion of the Second Assembly for African of the Synod of Bishops.  Did I want one?  Yes, please!  Not realizing the change in time due to daylights savings, I got up earlier than I had intended.  It was a happy accident as I ended up inside St Peter's Basilica for Mass.  On a side note, the insides are even more awe inspiring when all the lights are on.  I sat at the very end of the row near the front section for the general public resulting in being less than five feet from the Cardinals and the Holy Father himself.  Throughout the Mass two Swiss guards took their posts next to where I sat so I got a good look at the stitching in their colorful uniform.  It was cool that morning and I grabbed a scarf I had purchased in Florence to keep away the chill, which doubled as a chapel veil for me; the scarf was mostly blue and black weaved together to create a design. 

I was just as surprised as anyone when Benedict XVI announced his abdication.  Let me first state that I wish him the best in his new life of prayer and solitude.  On his official last day I had to work, but I was able to schedule my lunch around the time he stepped down so I could pray for him and the next Pope.  I stared at my feet propped up in another chair and then down to what I was wearing; my blue work shirt over a black dress, all cinched with a black belt.  That's when it hit me - blue, black and Benedict XVI.  A strange connection I will admit, some may call it even flimsy, but there it is.

As Pope Blessed John Paul II was the Pope of my youth, Pope Benedict XVI was the Pope of my intellectual development.  In his homily at the closing Mass of his first World Youth Day he said, "In vast areas of the world today there is a strange forgetfulness of God. It seems as if everything would be just the same even without him.  But at the same time there is a feeling of frustration, a sense of dissatisfaction with everyone and everything."  He then encouraged us to "[h]elp people to discover the true star which points out the way to us:  Jesus Christ! Let us seek to know him better and better, so as to be able to guide others to him with conviction."

I saw first hand the forgetfulness that Benedict XVI talked about; with people in my own generation it has resulted from simply not being taught because the two generations ago misunderstood the intention of a Church Council.  In a fit of frustration after a particularly bad religion class I made a deal with God.  If He did not want me to major in Theology in college He would have to lead me in another direction.  From that point to when I declared my major there was nothing that really pushed me away from that degree and thus I now have a BA in Sacred Theology.  Before you ask - I'm not gonna be a priest or preacher!!  You would be amazed how often I'm asked that when people find out my major.

I'm not sure how well I'm leading others to Christ.  I can only hope that I can implant seeds of truth the the minds of those who wish to ignore it because it makes them uncomfortable.  Maybe one day those seeds will bloom into something or at least never leave them.

Today, if one was to take a look at my wardrobe, one would fine a lot of black and blue.  Because of that silly little connection I unknowingly made with those colors and Benedict XVI, I find that I am drawn to them without even thinking about it.  We all find comfort in things; for some it's in a little trinket left to us by someone we love, for others it maybe sharing a pint of ice cream with a friend with one spoon. My comfort is found in the colors blue and black; not in the colors themselves, mind you, but in what they have come to represent to me.

(In case if anyone was wondering, I was wearing brown when Pope Francis was elected.  There's a Franciscan joke in there somewhere, I just can't find it.)