What's Happened to Love?

I fully admit that I read young adult novels.  It's a habit I develop in school when I wanted something light and easy after reading dense philosophy and theology texts. A nice reprieve.  One main reason I veered towards the young adult novels is that I know that there will not be a sex scene, maybe intense awkward kissing but no sex.

So with the desire to vegging out I began reading The Selection by Kiera Cass.  Best way I can describe the book without getting into too much detail is that it's a water down version of the Hunger Games meets the teen version of The Bachelor/ette.  Overall the story was meh.  It had the overused trope of love triangle with a all talk don't see a lot of action war going on in the background.  Again me reading this series was solely for the purpose of vegging out.  It worked all the way up to the last few chapters of the third and, thankfully, last book when the main girl and the prince start stripping off each other's clothes.

Let me repeat that - stripping off each other's clothes!!!!

My brain crashed in on itself when I first read the passage.  Fortunately they stop when they reach the last layer of underclothing because they didn't want to get caught.  This point in the story they just declared their love for each other and are unmarried.

I quickly finished the book just to know what happened. It was predictable with unnecessary angst and way too many side characters killed off for dramatic effect.  I guess the author was going for a 'earn your happy ending' trope.

It is an unfortunate trend I see with anything about love directed at the tween to young adult audience.  Love has become less about wanting the best for the other (ultimately getting that person to Heaven) and more about physical gratification.  There are common placed, and getting overused descriptions of 'eyes clouded with want', 'a need that they could not explain', 'quickening pace of the heart' all used to describe what true love is like.  Having never been in love, I do not know what it is like, but I do know what is expected of people when they are in love (many thanks to parental units and married sibling).

Love in it's truest form is selfless, wanting what is best for the other.  You can get mad at your spouse, fight, give the silent treatment, disagree, or keep secrets, because lets face the facts we're human we made more mistakes then we would care admit to anyone.  In the marriage vows it states that you will be by your spouse's side for better or worse, not just when you are happy.  There is no such thing as 'Happily ever after' because being in love takes effort, work, and determination. We live within the passing of time, never just in a moment.  We remember and relish the happy moments, we try to ignore the bad, but we cannot stay.

As I rant about love another book comes to mind: Arms of Love by Carmen Marcoux.  In this novel a young couple work on having a chaste courtship/relationship and everyone, outside of the girl's family and friends, sees their actions as something defective.  I read this one several years ago when I was still in college. While I applaud the efforts of Mrs. Marcoux to present love authentically, I really cannot recommend the book. I really did want to enjoy the book, and on Amazon there are many positive reviews, but in the end it felt fake.  It was more of a sermon with a thin plot rather than a story with a moving message.  I doubt many secular or non-Catholics would even consider reading it. For me the Catholicism in the book felt ... too touchy-feely for me. But I'm a smells and bells kinda girl.

I have witness relationships that seemed to have stepped out of pages of 'Arms of Love' and they have the strange aftertaste of spurious and induce fear for any children they may have. DO NOT misunderstand me, chastity (both mind and spirit) rocks in my humble opinion.  But something does not ring right when a couple waits til they exchange their vows for their first kiss.  An act such as that has a gnostic feel to it, like the couple is saying they are better than the rest because they rise above the physical acts of affection (kissing, hugging, holding hands).

Take the book as you will. I'm not going to force you to read it.

With the recent release of '50 Shades of Gray', a pornographic fanfic turned book turned box office record breaking movie I feel that we as a society has lost touch on what love actually is.  Love is expressed in so many muddy confusing ways that in the ends leaves many wanting more, thus looking for that something more in all the wrong places and end up hurt.

St. Raphael the Archangel, Patron of Love and Lovers, Ora Pro Nobis.